Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Back

I haven't written in a while. I've been contemplating my life lately and just being in a position of receiving. 

One thing that has not changed is my morning ritual of getting up and just adoring my body. It's quite a vain moment, but it really helps me to reinforce my fitness journey to self love. Still, I haven't been working out as much as I used to. And I addressed the whole "getting back on track" cycle in my last post. There have been weeks where I go full out and some weeks where I don't. 

I don't really know of there is a deep reason why. What I have done is accept and honor that maybe I will go through cycles in which I wanna workout all the time and cycles in which I don't. That's the best I can say or think of. 

I have had moments of insecurity. When I feel a little thicker, I might have some thoughts that pop up. Worries that is gain all the weight back. Or did I? Does my man see that I've gained weight? Does he like it? And people projecting their feelings on me. Like this beautiful young lady at work who wants me to join a fitness challenge. Her probing has bothered me because I have felt like maybe she thinks in too thick by her standards. I really don't know what she thinks but it has bothered me. And I recognized that it might still be some deep rooted insecurities that I haven't gotten completely rid of. What I tell myself is, " she doesn't know how far I've come". And I talk myself Down by reminding myself not to take it personal. 
And, Honestly, I'm starting to love my body when it's thick too! 

think I have been well dedicated to bringing myself up so that I dont stay in these thoughts for long. They kind of trickle by and I see them and then I do something that will make me feel better like my morning ritual. Or my self love talk. 

What I've found is that I am not as much plagued by the "perfect body image" that society plagues us women. This week a Kim Kardashian picture might have rocked me for a mere second. But I am so much more tuned into my journey that something like that doesn't hurt me like it did before. And even more so, when I recognize the big picture, I end up looking at her naked photos and loving my body even more. 

I mean, I am falling in love with my body for real. It's not just the way it looks but how it feels and looks on me. Today I took a spin class after a week hiatus and I had nothing but love for my body in the shower. I mean I'm so happy with these new realizations. It just feels so much better than what I used to put myself through. 



Thursday, October 9, 2014

Fitness thoughts

During my 15 minute butt workout today I had a lot of thoughts that filled it. First one was .."Why do I always have a 'getting back on track' story"? Meaning, for the past few months I've been on and off with my workouts and I've simply had epiphanies about getting back in the grind. 

This so similar to my old days, when I was always getting back in track to lose weight seriously. And it was always that. I see patterns here and I want to address them. 

This whole fitness journey has been about me creating the rules to the game. I've been allowing another kinder voice within me guide me towards health as fitness. And the voice is strong now. So it recognizes that I'm currently practicing non-self loving techniques. 

I'd say it all started early this summer. I had been obvious to others finally... About how much I've lost weight. And comments were popping up galore. Everyone wants a piece of the secret. And I guess it was obvious that spinning was the secret. It wasn't completely. But that's what everyone thought. So I've had people wanting to spin with me, asking me how many spin classes I take, looking to gain from my hard work. And there came a point where I started to allow them to influence me... Like the past. The agreement that Spin was the secret embedded into my head. And so I started to believe it too. And when I had to take a hiatus, I was extremely anxious about not spinning. But I figured out a way to get my wrk outs in! And benefitted. 

One of my self-love tactics have been, get comfortable with your weight fluctuating. I've been addressing that this past month. I've been less motivated to workout and have been kind by saying, it's okay to take some time off and rest. Deal with the anxiety if not spinning. But I'm feeling the looks the stares as my weight does fluctuate. I can see my body is thicker... And yet I've woken up every morning having a self-reflection indulgence modeling moment. Lol. And even though I've gained some thickness back, I'm still very happy with what I see staring back at me. 

So as I've coaxed myself into doing a 15 minute workout today I'm doing it an enjoying all the sensations and asking myself... "Well why did it take me so long to get back in it? Ohhhh I want to blog about getting back in my workouts." And ten I started thinking about the people and what they say to me in my head. I start to look at my reflection, I start to feel the old feelings of not being good enough. It's all too familiar feeling. And I recognized and honored my journey. I recognized that I might have been less interested in working out due to the inner turmoil of keeping everyone and their projections, expectations and comments out of my head and motivations. I mean.. This is one of the reasons why I gained weight. I was allowing myself to be boggled down by outside influence and my way of fighting back (because I am a fighter) was to not do as they say either. But to not do anything. Even when I really did want to find a way to lose weight, I numbed that motivation for I saw that the only way to lose weight would be to do it their way. 

My whole journey has been about doing it my way. And even now, well of course now, I still fight the old feelings. I still have the same issues. I've gotten better so much better. But the old feelings and habits can emerge and it's about me recognizing the signs and what it looks like for me. 

In conclusion, a new guideline for me will be to avoid the "getting back on track" feeling and moment that I have had often. As far as I'm concerned this fitness journey never ends ... Whether I'm working out or not, whether I'm eating right or not. When I am. I am learning about myself and my health and fitness. When I am not, I am learning about myself and my health and fitness. 

It is all one and the same. Today, I enjoyed my workout thoroughly. :) 

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

New moon

New moon in Libra 

I'm going to plant the seed now. I will manifest my music career to progress the evolution of the collective consciousness 

- KRENA DEAN 

Monday, September 15, 2014

Mercury enters shadow

Astrologer Nadiya Shah, has a great video on mercury retrograde. As mercury enters shadow the events during that time will be revisited with clarity once it goes direct .. October 24ish. 

So this is the first time that I am looking at the mercury retrograde influence on a deeper level. Normally, I look for minor tweaks of delay in communication, sometimes it's very prominent, sometimes it's not. Apparently, the sign that mercury transits will be more reflective of the 'feel' of the retrograde. 

Transit Record : Mercury Enters shadow 
Well I wanted to record that I started this week with urgency to get things going with my group. The conference call situation on Sunday was something sad if one was to have expectations of commitment and passion lol. But I went with the flow and was practicing more for myself how to work on my own issues and to experience the stress I managing a group in a more empowering way. But everyone was all over the place and in an emotional weak place in which 'business' was not the priority. I can respect that. I know that not everyone is on the same level. But for me, this will be an experience and a test or more a challenge on how I can get business done with this astrological weather. 

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

How to get back INTO THE FIT JOURNEY

...I allowed myself to take break and let life be for the past few weeks. It's been quite a journey dealing with myself and my own thoughts. As well as dealing with outside projections. I found me doing pep talks on the side... Changing my thought patterns so that I don't walk away with guilty feelings after any indulgence. Pep talking myself about my body as i watch it go through changes. What I discovered... my fittest body to my not as fittest, is still better than I've ever loved before. There are parts of your body that honestly looks better when its softer. And there are parts that miss the muscle tone. Okay... well at least on my body. The key here; learning to love myself in my intense fitness phases and when i'm not as focused on fitness.

Today I felt the pinch in my shoulders and the tightness of my back. I sat in bed, and just started with the stretch. Just stretching my arms... reaching the ceiling then off to each side. Then rolling my abs. As I felt the fiery burn of my muscles... i knew i was ready to start with a workout right there right now. ... I started with a yoga routine. One of the projections, from a beloved person in my life, but still a selfish projection, was asking me..." You still work at the spin studio right?" .. Me "Yep".. "Oh okay...good". Now i'm on this.. DON'T TAKE THINGS PERSONAL vibe, but I couldn't help but see it as a projection. A need to tell me that I need to get back to working out. An .. "Oh ok..good cause without spin you reversing back."Maybe it was my own insecurities. But anyhoo, as I digress, I loved that I chose a yoga workout as in my fitness journey I want to have a plethora of workouts that I love and that work!

So the best way to get back into your fitness routine after a rut? Start with something you LOVE <3. For me, its spinning, yes. But also BUTI YOGA. I have an excellent video that I watch that will give me a good sweaty workout and its soo much fun. Its so sexy. And sexy really works for me in my workouts. I love to feel like i'm practicing my sexy and working out, it only motivates me even more. So, I think i'm back. I'm happy to be fitting in workouts on my daily routine again. It does make me feel so much more alive! Tomorrow..... Spin. :) on my own terms. always <3

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Walk in the park

After a beautiful afternoon with my sister and recapping my fitness journey I am amazed at the journey I've taken. And even more so impressed with the outcome. I'm finding more and more confidence as I continue to talk about my journey. 

It was those little moments that created major shifts.. Like listening to the fitness podcast while walking in Chelsea, all of those moments on the bike when I felt inner shifts within myself, my astrology studies as well which have connected me to life altering information. The journey is not over. I keep anxiously thinking about all the things I've learned and fear that I'll lose it. Though, I don't think it's possible. As when you learn and know you can't forget te knowledge. All I do know is that if i continue to be open to growing and loving, I won't steer backwards. 

I am just so happy and loving life rigt now 

Monday, July 7, 2014

Fitness working it out... Literally

A few days ago I did express my concern about living in my new lifestyle which could possibly scale down spinning tremendously. 

I've looked inside myself and found some answers! 

-There are other forms of workouts for me to enjoy. Now might be the time where dancing and yoga are the forefront of my workout routines. I have resources to get basically free classes and I do love yoga and dance. They both provide the strength and cardio that I crave too! 

-Walking is a girls best friend. I actually enjoy walking. It's not too hard on the lungs and thanks to my astrology videos I can listen to them and walk. There will be days like today where even getting on the train to a fitness class might not be in my circumstances right now. And that's okay cause I love walking and during the summer I can virtually walk anywhere. 

-Spinning is everywhere. If I let go of the flywheel addiction and just remember I can get a spinning workout anywhere in this city. That opens up my options. Some spinning classes I'm sure I can find  on discounts coupons. But also to trust in my relationships I've built with this company and to know that I can return to the workout that started it all for me on regular occasions. 

I'm tackling this challenge by trusting in myself. 

My temple told me to expand your horizons and open up to all possibilities. Let go of the control and KNOW that everything will work out in your favor. ;) 

Everything is going to be great because I'm confident in my capability to go after and get what I want. 

I recognize now most of all that my anxiety comes from not trusting myself. Which is really what the core of this fitness journey has been all along. I will have good and bad days. My weight will naturally fluctuate up and down depending on the lifestyle and activities I engage in. On occasions I will be faced with feelings of fear and feelings of triumph. As long as I dig into my truths (no matter how deep and how dark) and address them in my own way. I will always succeed. Fitness Journey proceed. 

Friday, July 4, 2014

Happy 4th / spinning?

Happy happy 4th! 

I'm up in syracuse enjoying a few days away from the bustling city. I just forced a 30minute workout down my throat. It got the job done but it just wasn't fun enough :/ isn't possible that I'm going through spin withdrawals? Haven't taken class in a week and all I can think of is... What am I gonna do when I leave this part-time and can't spin regularly? I'm filling myself up with anxiety. But I do see its justification. What am I gonna do? I gotta seek within to find the answers. I am getting anxious feelings that all my weight is gonna come back. I'm getting those feelings that I'm looking ugly. I know the mind can be a prison. :/ I can and houod do these quick outburst of regular 20-30minite exercises but they need to be the proverbial 'icing on the cake' what I know is there should be a workout that I look forward to that drives me on this fitness journey. I'm sure it'll all work out. I know it will. Let me just do some meditation and relieve myself of this anxiety. 

Monday, June 30, 2014

Lifestyles: Buti Yoga

My lifestyle is changing. I'm wanting different things now. However I'm honestly fighting off laziness and procrastination. I had a great at-home workout session with my favorite 'Buti Yoga' routine. It's nice to know that I have workouts that I <3 to do. If not who knows if I'd had push through the procrastination. Now if I can clean upy eating if be on another level. I literally feel like in gonna barf from the white bread and cheese I had today.  It's okay I'll get better. Time to start findin healthy foods that I love to eat. Gotta keep it easy and satisfying no matter what. 

Saturday, June 14, 2014

This Journey

A few days ago I saw an incredible video of myself from a year ago... I'm astounded at the changes!! I've never felt more empowered by my own self... Mainly because when I set out on this journey I decided to make up my own rules ... No scale... No dieting concerns ... No following anyone else's rules but my own. There's no reason to hold onto my past but to move progressively forward. This has no longer been a journey about weight loss but a journey into spirituality and self-love. 

The first thing I did was look at my relationship with my body and my resistance to be slimmer. In a lot of we I stared at my own truth which was that I did not enjoy society's ploys to make me hate myself for not being a perfect shape.  And I used my weight to demonstrate that resistance. 

1. I found a workout that I enjoyed and that sparked the fire. Which led to me desiring more workouts that I love to do. Spinning / yoga and dancing... And who knows what more I will discover. And I made it apart of my lifestyle. My rule in te beginnig was workout every time you work. Be an opportunist. 

2. I made conscious decisions to love my body where it was in the present moment. Yes you can change the way you think simply by saying the opposite of your negative thoughts. 

3. I rejected anyone else's input. Yeah I listened to them but then I let it go... 

4. I meet myself where I am at... If I am feeling a little weak... I would still workout but I would be forgiving to myself. "Do what you can" is my motto. And more than usual I would push even more than I thought I could cause I'm naturally ambitious even when I think I can't. 

5. I dealt with my emotions in a healthy way... During workouts if I was feeling anger I took it out on that bike or I found peace in the yoga room. 

6. I dealt with my emotions in a spiritual way... Deepening my spirituality and finding the teachers and gurus that spoke to me... They help me to change perspective and to find positions like compassion and gratitude. 

7. I started playing more. I left a deadend life sucking job and found the joy in the risk of the unknown. I started enjoying time trough meditation and relaxing. Naturally I started 'playing' doing te things that I loove to do. I swear this is one of the activities that really oused me forward. 

8. I'm continuing to learn te powers of the human mind as body. Understanding that I manifest my life through my own perspective. I'm choosing to find abundance in areas where I thought I had nothing. 

9. I'm learning not to take anything personally. This frees me from being the victim. It's still a work in progress... But even the compliments even the nice things people say I try no to take personally. I say thank you. But what's most important is the compliment and the perspective I give myself. 

10. I stay open. If I'm open I find new things and new opportunities. I remain available to flex and fold in whichever way I feel I need to go in that moment. 

I would say these are the top ten things that have kept me successful and that will keep me. 

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

BEAUTY

Since January of 2013, I began a journey that I've never attempted. Little did I know the depth of this journey. It was about freedom!!!!!

Freedom to no longer be restricted by anything imposed outside of me. Starting with my weight loss journey. But it has trickled into everything and every fiber of myself. This journey to self-love seems to be endless and infinite. There are so many places where there can be more LOVE to be found!

Walking outside today I saw the truth. That beautiful people are really and truly beautiful because the vibrate the love of themselves. They embrace everything that is unique about them without having to trump someone else's beauty.

I am all knowing that this is my journey to be bathed in that kind of love. In that kind of beauty. As I continue to embrace all that I am and all that makes me unique, I seem to feel and appear more and more in love and in beauty.

Anything ugly that comes up, i see it for what it is and treat it with LOVE. No day is perfect. I have operated in a certain way for so long so I forgive myself for the baby steps. But each and everytime I embrace ME... I grow closer and closer to being the most beautiful woman to ever walk this earth! In my dream at least

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Back at it

After two weeks of moping around and feeling sorry for myself I'm back at my fitness routine! I got a photoshoot coming up. Must get to it! 


New song challenge

I haven't been writing lately. There's been a lot going on in my personal life. And yet still I've been stuck. But as I feel the desire to express start to creep back in, I want to give myself a jump start back intoy creative life. 

Through my fiverr work I've been noticing that I enjoy having a beat, lyrics and then creating the melody and flow improvising it as the last step. Typically I am writing with melody and words all at once. So my challenge is to pick several beats, give them a title and just write first. Then add lyrics and melody later. I'm already excited because I don't feel the pressure to make them perfect. It's just an exercise to warm me back up. Let's see how I do. I'll do a check up jn a week to see what I've been able to accomplish with this warm up challenge. I'm hyped about songwriting again :) 

Holding on or Letting go?

I'm about a size 8/10 now. Exciting. 

I remember being almost a 14! I've come a nice long way. Who needs a weight scale when you can see the results in so many other ways. I can honestly say I'm proud. But also feeling frightened and obsessed and possessive. I'm feeling anxious about the fact that I'll lose all the work i did. 

I wanted to not use a weight scale to protect myself from over obsessing. But I'm over obsessing anyways! 

I haven't worked out in about a week and a half. It just might be my subconscious body saying it desires some movement. Today imma get back into it. Starting with the bike. Spinning is on the agenda today. As well as yoga, squats, and dance this week! My lifestyle is now that I am obsessed about my workouts. Well... Maybe if I'm going to have a shadow trait to let it have a voice in its most beneficial way for me. 

As long as I work on my mind body balance as well. The obsession can be directed in a healthy way. Which is why I am going to start a meditation challenge. And it too, is apart of my fitness journey. It is working out the mind body connection! 

I have chakra cleansing tools as well as meditation tools. And I'm ready to get started. It's not just about a new body, but a new spiritual me. 

Monday, May 12, 2014

BREAKUP

It took me some serious guts. BUT I had to do it. I know i'mma be a sobbing mess for the next few weeks, but I just could not take it anymore. The lack of engagement in our relationship has been going on for months. His desire to build our relationship does not seem to be there. He seems to be all about himself. So I just decided that is not what I want. And as much as it pains me, I had to let him go because it pains me to continue brushing things under the rug.

I'm writing this passage today so that when I feel regret, I will come back to this and realize the clarity that I had today and in this moment. It really hurts, its like losing a family member. But I feel like I am stunting my growth by just playing along to please this man. My ego tells me, 'Well now he can be with all the women he fantasizes about'. I'm trying not to identify with that thought. But it does keep coming up. That maybe he just hadn't had the chance to really be on his own. Now its over. So he will get that chance. Me saying 'its over' is me saying that i'm no longer going to be trampled over. I'm no longer going to be the scape goat for your blame. I've supported and cherished you all this time. I've retreated. I've said sorry....so many times. Even when I shouldn't have. I'm tired. I'm learning to love myself again and this just does not work for me anymore.

Friday, May 9, 2014

PEOPLE

For a while i've been confused in my relationships, even in my friendship relationships...

But lately the message has been obvious and clear. True Clarity is reaching me. As I own myself and

embrace all that i am and have, anyone who is questioning, not sure, confused, or lead to more negative responses like mock or oppose my own interests when I express them... that's how i know. I'm grateful to those who reveal themselves to me. Some will still be open to having me in their life and me in theirs... if they are open. But if not, its evident that we don't vibrate and I can make clearer choices about what i'm going to do, how much i'm going to commit and dedicate myself to that relationship. Clarity is nice.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Cardio

The afterglow of a cardio workout is priceless ...no filter 

Unspoken

Whenever I feel myself falling back into the everyday regular routine... The universe reminds me that that is no longer acceptable. The scars of the past few weeks are still very real and whenever I feel something coming up... That's when I just know that I have to move in the opposite direction of what I have been doing. [redirect my focus and energy]

The triggers have been pointed out. The signs are apparent when I feel an anger uprising. When certain things that are done and or said ... Instead of forcing everything outward... I need to look inward and take care of myself. And do for me. The strongest and most manipulating fears come up and I know to not listen to them and to take the risk. My body and soul is in so much anguish because I focus and obsess and have developed an intimacy with my partner that I have yet to give my own self. 

Friday, May 2, 2014

Facing Diet Fears

I've lost some weight over the past few weeks. But I'd def say not by choice...

I've been stressed and broke. lol. But it has showed me where I eat more than I need to and I've been embracing my new size and working on ways to maintain it in the most healthiest way. And I find myself having deep fears about gaining it all back. I think because this shift in my weight..this latest shift.. wasn't at my own choice and effort.

i JUST need to make better choices with my eating. I feel my inner need shifting, i just need all the new resources for my new lifestyle that will help me to maintain this weight and maybe even slim down to a size 4. Which is my ultimate goal. I'm almost there... I believe I can. And I will. Oh the joys of the journey.

I wish to free myself from this fear of gaining the weight back and just enjoy my success and keep wr

Crossing the bridge

Last night was a lot of looking back and revelation at how far I've come not just in the past year but in the past 8 weeks. The transition of my relationship went through much growing pains. What i see the most is the shift within me to no longer accept how I have been before. And if I want to live happier to do something about it and to speak up and to be open about everything. My convo with the bf made me see that how he has been hasn't changed much as it's how I've been taking it. Nothing is concrete here. But I can feel that our relationship is open to exploring the sweet love and vulnerability but also the harshness and realness of the real world. Many truths have come to the surface... Things that I really needed to appreciate and accept. Do I know of this man loves me? Yes I know. Do I know if I can prevent him from not taking me for granted? ... No I don't. But I can do everything to make sure i never take my own damn self for granted. Operating at the way I have been has been serving others at even the detriment of myself. Here I wanted to give and show him my new self and he wasn't really aware... He was focusing on other things. That's how he operates. The only thing I can do is pour more appreciation of myself into myself 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Oasis


Tending the GARDEN

The past few weeks have been a doosey on my inner life. I've discovered some pretty and ugly truths about how I've been operating. I've taken a pro-active approach and went looking for therapy. Despite the fact that I probably can't afford it. I need the help.

I was giving tools to help a lot of the surface issues. I'm finding them to be helpful. I've yet to master them until I know I go deeper. But they are enough to hold me until my next session. I just don't know if getting up and just walking out is a good way to deal with my triggers. I'm assuming my therapy partner will say it isn't. But today, and the past few days, whenever I feel that attached feeling, I've chosen to listen to them. I've chosen to go with it due to my fears of detachment. But now, whenever I feel it, I get antsy. I know that my body is telling me, something is being triggered here. And even more so, I want to do something about it to help self.

I'm reminded that I can't continue to do what I've been doing. I've grown a dangerous attachment to things that are not good for me. I've known about losing the identification of the mind for years now, but i've continued to succeed and fail at this battle countless times. I've learned that I have deep traumatic issues, and that I have triggers that really put me in a bad place. I usually know when my pain-body has been full triggered when I start imposing myself at full force onto others, including my partner, who has the most triggers.

I know now, that these are red flag moments. Whenever I feel like i'm imposing myself and my hurt onto others. Whenever I start to be overcome with anger... i know now it is a secondary emotion. I can't always seem to find out what the primary emotion is, but I know... today it was mainly jealousy. These are all difficult things to look at oneself, but I have to. I have to work on the intimate relationship that I have neglected with myself. I know too much about everyone else and not enough about what is going on with me. So now I have the same pain-body and feelings, but more options. And when i GAIN back the control, I feel more at peace and i know that this relationship with myself is getting stronger. I believe it will take lost of time but I'm committed to healing myself. I hate feeling less, I hate being triggered, I no longer want to live like this.

It's not an overnight healing. I do not know if all the steps i'm taking are the right ones. All I know is that feeling ..that painful feeling. And I know now that I should not overlook it. My inner spirit is calling out for my attention.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Journey... Finish line

This is it. The final leg of my journey. And I haven't worked out one day. 

I've looked in the mirror and I've been liking what I see. But I still got a huge pile of shit inside that needs a major gutter cleaning. I've sweated, burned, cried but thank god still haven't bled. Maybe that's soon coming... Well then let me bleed! I need sacrifice I need cleansing. 

So I'm ready to do this shit. I'm almost there the last home stretch. But I know more than anything crossing that finish line is no joke. You want to just quit but you should never coast. 

FULL FORCE AHEAD

My birthday has come and gone and its been a fairly quiet week compared to the past few weeks. However, I have seen myself falling and holding onto the past this week. I feel like I see the same routines taking place and I know that underneath it all that this is not the right way. This is why I must recognize the major shifts that need to take place and not ignore them.

Another long discussion last night with my partner, made me see that I am still in the thick of this shift. A lot of the karmic and painful subconscious feelings are still prominent and fighting for attention. But I am feeling even more able after so many conversations and events and tears... I feel the extra need to push forward. Or I know the UNIVERSE will push me either way. So either i go willingly or get bullied into it. Taurus Bulls don't like to be bullied!!

The Transformation is underway. It has been happening for some time now. And i believe the biggest shedding of the skin, the biggest sprout is underway. I am entering into maybe the last stages of this transformation. But it is the hardest stages. Letting go of the pain-body that has dictated to me how I see and present myself in the world. I imagine it's like losing those last 5lbs on a long weight loss journey. It's only 5 lbs, but its the hardest 5lbs because you are so close.

I AM SO CLOSE to the major shift that will pull everything into place into the new way of life I am creating. I'm so close ....

I feel the growing pains...i fear they will be the most painful. Which is why even more I must push push push through the all the gunk, all the petty shit and get down to the root of the problem.

I finally want to free myself from this deep rooted insecurity that has plagued me for over 25 years

Thursday, April 17, 2014

LOST IN THIS WORLD...SELF CARE ADVICE



I found this amazing blog post. I love reading blog posts and making my own conclusions. This specifically spoke straight to the core of me. As i've mentioned before, recently i've been going through emotional upheaval. I truly have found myself unsure about whether it is my insecurities running the show or if I am just trying to express my needs. I've been here before... years ago. I'm obviously going through a karmic process... I haven't yet 'solved' this issue. ( for lack of a better way to say it ) Pointing fingers at others instead of looking inside and imposing myself on others is the most negative results of my insecurities. I read something this morning.. "Sometimes to connect with others, you have to help yourself first." Beautiful. I get it. The agreements within myself, (referring to the four agreements book) have been too negative and self-sabotaging for so long. Even if it is to please another, i'll sacrifice my own inner happiness for that of pleasing others. IT HAS GONE TOO FAR. And its not for anyone to blame but myself. Whether 'blame' is really what I should focus on is another story... But I do see that its time for a change. I do want to please my partners and relationships. I really do. But i have to be honest with myself in each situation, is this serving me too?? Am I really open to doing this? Or is this that inner-self that wants to please the other, even if it means being a slave to it, meaning... Do I (my soul and spirit) find enjoyment and pleasure in this? This article really spoke to me..especially the themes about resentment. Yes actions have been taken that have hurt me and I once I have expressed them, what do I do next? My pain-body holds onto it. I can literally feel it. The feelings sneak in and they remind me to hold onto my anger.. to not forget or forgive. I truly understand how forgiveness is essential to release yourself from the pain!!! If I could have a more healthier approach to myself and when these thoughts sneak in, to let it go. Let go of the pain. My pain body so badly wants to be ignited. But it is not fair to my soul and spirit. They hate living and feeling like that. And it really dulls out my light. Another lesson i've learned from this article is the idea of fighting against your negative thoughts. i have many thoughts that I love and I feel serve me. But I have just as equal or more thoughts that sometimes i control and sometimes are out of my control that show me the negative portions. This morning I came across this thought in my head. Something that I do often. To be honest, the reasoning my mind says is because this thought is about pleasing my partner. But it does not please my temple. My body gets fired up in the wrong way. The pain body ignites and it will serve the partner despite stomping all over my spirit. And i stopped this morning and said... is this thought really serving me right now? After reading the advice in this article, I TRIED to think of an opposing thought that would be more powerful that would serve me better. To be honest, I couldn't find it. But I know it is going to take time and i'm not going to let up in my journey to mental healing. It's crazy if you really realize the pain body. It is so much stronger than your conscious self even realizes. And it can take over...without you even realizing it! This morning I responded so negatively against Rihanna, another musical artist. But after I said it, i wanted to take it back. Because I realized that my response was due to a jealousy and negative pain. It was unfortunate that i couldn't catch it before I responded. As I do want to be impeccable with my word. (the four agreements). But to really accomplish this, I will have to look at these negative agreements. These negative thoughts and pain body that is taking over me. This is war! It might be a long war though. I believe I can win over this negative pain and bring myself into the LIGHT. I believe there is a better way of life for me..that has nothing to do with my outside circumstances and everything to do with my inner life. 

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30 Things To Start Doing For Yourself. #4 Is Absolutely Vital.

Marc and Angel are the authors of 1000 Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently. Here’s their amazing list of 30 things to start doing for yourself. If you enjoy this, be sure to visit their website for more inspirational advice and tips for life.
#1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.
#2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.
#3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there. Read The Road Less Traveled.
#4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.
#5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.
#6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.
#7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.
#8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.
#9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.
#10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
#11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.
#12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.
#13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.
#14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
#15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records.
#16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
#17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.
#18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
#19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth.
#20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right.
#21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.
#22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.
#23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.
#24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
#25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.
#26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.
#27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.
#28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.
#29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it. The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. Read The How of Happiness.
#30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.
This is such a wonderful list. If we take little steps every day and practice these things, we can make great improvements in our lives. Share this post with your friends and loved ones.

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