North Node in 8th House

So I told myself that I would start shifting my astrology studying to directly studying my own chart. As for much of the time spent, has been reviewing others'. Which i'm still doing too, but i have been taking a deep dive into my chart. Covering North node and its sign and position, I am learning a whole bunch. This week i read through a few readings of the NORTH NODE in the 8th house, which is also in scorpio energy. And wow. That put me in a PLACE. I didn't know i would ever go to. And i'm still kinda reflecting and trying to come to terms with it. The biggest shift i will have to embrace is understanding that i do need people in order to get what I want. (yeahhhh)

Last night, i had doubts about what I wanted. Can you believe that? After 28 years of wanting the same thing, i had doubts! I think the idea of tunnel vision being a limitation rang very truthful for me. I've had tunnel vision about becoming a singer for so long. What I realize after studying this aspect, is that I really need to hone in on my WHYS.. why do i want this career? WHY? I guess I can say that it is for stability and material reasons, but i KNOW that its not just that. I think i've become lost, wanting something for so long, I can't even remember why. And that will be essential as I move forward. So I know that this journey is not what i thought it would be!!!

I know that i need people. But there are so many times, where I feel like people have left me hanging, or have selfish intentions, and i just didn't want to deal with them. There is a lesson to be learned here, as everyone has selfish intentions including me. Collaborating with others is not easy for me I see. I like to do things MY WAY. but my north node is saying, NO MORE OF THAT. HMMMM. I was really wishing that it would say 'You are destined to do things on YOUR OWN'. LOL. Then this post would be really short. But no. This year has been a lot of re-visiting. Reflecting. There is a lot of gray.

So Yesterday I doubts, I couldn't believe it, that i would have doubts about doing music. After all this time. I know its not right. I know i should listen to the advice of others, but What I know to be true, is that i was made to do music. i have a spiritiual marriage to it. I am half a person without this dream.

i can't let go of this. I won't. So My north node is saying that i have to embrace change, collaborate with others, take others advice, learn their intentions, and let go. Part of me doesn't like this. i LIKE TO HAVE FULL CONTROL. I am learning that is an illusion. lol. Full control doesn't exist. But it is still my life. I still have the steering wheel and if i want this career I can get it. Yes, I do see that I need to embrace collaboration. This is NOT going to be natural for me. But i still have the steering wheel. i STILL have the say on WHO i work with and what from them I take. Yes, I will have to learn to give more of myself. Just when I was feeling like I couldn't give more... but i do see why. Everyone has selfish needs and intentions and in order for me to get mine, i HAVE to learn how to give. WOW. I can see that this year is not what I thought it would be for I will have to really navigate and finesse this new approach to life.

But i do feel something great can come out of this, once i learn how to release my desire to do things "MY OWN WAY". I do see how freeing I will be. I do see the kinds of people I can attract into my life and how much more enriched it will be. I'm on my way ....slowly and steady. I can't help but TRANSFORM. I AM MEANT FOR GREATNESS...and i'll get it. i know it. #northnodescorpio