Afro-Caribbean Dance & Scorptonian exercise

I took a wonderful class today!

An afro-caribbean class at mark morris dance group. WOW! I am blown away. This was supposed to be a new way to work-out. As I am embracing the letting go of things and trying newer things. However, this class turned into a spiritual experience immediately. I forgot how much dance is so therapeutic even as a creator. It gave me peace...through sweat and activity. My moon in gemini, doesn't get peace. And for two hours i was totally apart of the present moment experience and nothing else. My mind too wrapped into coordination and learning and then letting go, expressing, performing... it was everything. I was so close to not going, but I am also trying to release that practice too...so I pushed my will to find the place, trek through the snow, and it was one of the utmost rewarding experiences I have had since I started spinning. Spinning, Dancing, Yoga... yes I am carving out my new lifestyle and i am so in love.

This week and the past few weeks have been...treacherous. The venus retrograde has had me in question and confusion. Not sure if I should do music anymore...was even a moment..! My job at the fitness studio is only rewarding when I am focused on the big picture -- working out. But i've been engulfed in work-related drama and daily issues. I can feel the thick negativity rising from my old spa days. And I just know this is going back to old ways. But the scorpio themes, the uranus square themes are saying to let go. My north node in 8th house and south in 2nd, is teaching me to let go. Letting go has been the theme...and while I know change is difficult for me.. I've got to say..i've been doing good and recognizing that and adapting anyway. So kudos.

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My scorptonian exercise today : What do I need to let go of? What do I need to begin?

Jillian michaels 30 day shred level 1

Man am I feeling agitated today. I see in the sky that there is tension in my ego and identity. There is much vitality in my willpower. I still get do upset when I want to do something but I compromise my plans for the sake of.... Nothing. 

I really wanted to take my girls class but didn't get to spin today. I stayed in bed all day and I just really needed something to take the edge off to wear out my anxiety. So I found Jillian michaels 30 day shred level 1 and just pushed myself as hard as I could for 20minutes. 

I'm already feeling better. So much shit I want to get done can I get it done without compromising and without biting someone's head off? We'll see

North Node in 8th House

So I told myself that I would start shifting my astrology studying to directly studying my own chart. As for much of the time spent, has been reviewing others'. Which i'm still doing too, but i have been taking a deep dive into my chart. Covering North node and its sign and position, I am learning a whole bunch. This week i read through a few readings of the NORTH NODE in the 8th house, which is also in scorpio energy. And wow. That put me in a PLACE. I didn't know i would ever go to. And i'm still kinda reflecting and trying to come to terms with it. The biggest shift i will have to embrace is understanding that i do need people in order to get what I want. (yeahhhh)

Last night, i had doubts about what I wanted. Can you believe that? After 28 years of wanting the same thing, i had doubts! I think the idea of tunnel vision being a limitation rang very truthful for me. I've had tunnel vision about becoming a singer for so long. What I realize after studying this aspect, is that I really need to hone in on my WHYS.. why do i want this career? WHY? I guess I can say that it is for stability and material reasons, but i KNOW that its not just that. I think i've become lost, wanting something for so long, I can't even remember why. And that will be essential as I move forward. So I know that this journey is not what i thought it would be!!!

I know that i need people. But there are so many times, where I feel like people have left me hanging, or have selfish intentions, and i just didn't want to deal with them. There is a lesson to be learned here, as everyone has selfish intentions including me. Collaborating with others is not easy for me I see. I like to do things MY WAY. but my north node is saying, NO MORE OF THAT. HMMMM. I was really wishing that it would say 'You are destined to do things on YOUR OWN'. LOL. Then this post would be really short. But no. This year has been a lot of re-visiting. Reflecting. There is a lot of gray.

So Yesterday I doubts, I couldn't believe it, that i would have doubts about doing music. After all this time. I know its not right. I know i should listen to the advice of others, but What I know to be true, is that i was made to do music. i have a spiritiual marriage to it. I am half a person without this dream.

i can't let go of this. I won't. So My north node is saying that i have to embrace change, collaborate with others, take others advice, learn their intentions, and let go. Part of me doesn't like this. i LIKE TO HAVE FULL CONTROL. I am learning that is an illusion. lol. Full control doesn't exist. But it is still my life. I still have the steering wheel and if i want this career I can get it. Yes, I do see that I need to embrace collaboration. This is NOT going to be natural for me. But i still have the steering wheel. i STILL have the say on WHO i work with and what from them I take. Yes, I will have to learn to give more of myself. Just when I was feeling like I couldn't give more... but i do see why. Everyone has selfish needs and intentions and in order for me to get mine, i HAVE to learn how to give. WOW. I can see that this year is not what I thought it would be for I will have to really navigate and finesse this new approach to life.

But i do feel something great can come out of this, once i learn how to release my desire to do things "MY OWN WAY". I do see how freeing I will be. I do see the kinds of people I can attract into my life and how much more enriched it will be. I'm on my way ....slowly and steady. I can't help but TRANSFORM. I AM MEANT FOR GREATNESS...and i'll get it. i know it. #northnodescorpio

Impulsion and indecision

We'll let me tell you how Venus retrograde is fucking with me. I'm def acting on my impulses these days and I'm not sure if it's serving me. I wish somehow to release the burden that I have for all the places I've worked and every boss I've defied. Lol. Maybe this is just an inside joke between me and myself but what I can say is that I am learning how to see the big picture in everything. Remembering the big picture can keep me grounded. I really thought that maybe I could join another fitness studio but I must have lost my marbles because it did take an inside job to get were I'm at and it would have to be the same to leave. I could mope about this and feel real stupid and shitty but instead I am going to brush it off. Take a nap refresh and forget about this moment altogether. 

I'm gonna be honest with myself here cause successful people apparently are very honest, I'm feeling a little lost with no direction. Yesterday's taste of creativity was therapeutic. And did cut the edge off. It's a heavy reminder to stick it out through my unfinished business and to not put much energy into trying something brand new right now. Okay world lesson learned. 

Unfinished Business - January 14'

AFTER MUCH REFLECTION AND CELEBRATION OF HOW FAR I'VE COME...

I'm in "GO" Mode! I've just completed my first spin class of the year and I am so hyped about this journey to fitness. I see already, the enemies, the obstacles, the things that want me to work hard to prove how bad I want it. lol. They are present. And I am ready for them. After this mornings new moon intention writing, resolutions writing, and theme writing, I realize that there is a lot that I want out of this year. A lot of it isn't very glitzy or glamoury. This Year will be filled with my needs to 

-STAND UP TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES

-HONE IN ON MY CREATIVE EXPRESSION

-FIND A RELENTLESS COURAGE TO PURSUE MY DREAMS

I am building the foundation. And i know that it takes time. to mold that foundation, and then you gotta let it sit and dry! You can build a building on top of wet cement. I see myself at the end of this year, feeling incredible support, security and confidence. I see myself itching to get that EP out. I know i'm not ready to release my artistry to the world, cause i'm not itching to do it yet. My fears are there, but the preparation is what makes me know i'm not ready. This will be a hardworking year, but i AM READY. I have learned from past experience of the last two years of WHAT I'M MADE OF. I know that i'm able to do the impossible. I will have to work in a way that i haven't for a long time. But i'm the boss of this enterprise and thats what makes it WAYYYY BETTER than anything i've ever done before!!!

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I know that my family will play a big role in this year. And i'll be honest. I don't want to really be distracted by that. I know that I will have to find business partners that can help me get to where i want, i'm not really into that either, but these are the things that we have to embrace. The things we are most resistant to. My family and my business associates (whom i trust) are apart of the foundation. 

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This month, I will be taking care of unfinished business. My fitness journey needs a new spark of variety and commitment. My fiverr work, needs to be revisited and i will have to make decisions about what i want to do. There is much to be done. LEGO!!!