Lost in the game

So I had a tough time with my sister this week. While I understand the condition that she is in is one in which I need to over stand, her words hurt me deeply. Hurt people hurt people right? And it has been a few days of just trying to come down from the hurt. 

I don't know. I'm trapped here because I love her but I really don't know what else to do. It's difficult to help people who can't help themselves. But she ain't just "people" she's my sister. I gotta help her. But I don't know what to do anymore. I'm stuck. 

There is just so much that I want to do. There seems to be an obstacle everywhere I turn. I find myself wanting to run from my responsibilities and that is it. 

I kinda have the same problem she does. 

I want to play like I'm a kid. Have no worries. Have no responsibilities. I desire to run free. 

I've pushed away my responsibilities for a long time now. ....... not paying bills, not pursuing my career, smh. I'm lost. 

I think I need to get some help. A life coach. That is what I think could help me. But who has money for that? It's time I life coached myself. Yep. Put my knowledge and spirituality to work. Prove to myself that the shit that I say does hold value and worth. 

Maybe that's what that moment with my sister was all about. I had self doubt that what I believed in and was doing was off. 

Maybe I haven't been walking in my own lessons. Cause I know the shit I have been learning is real thorough. 

Maybe instead of teaching everybody else I just need to teach myself. Walk in my own words. And take action with everyone else. Yes, I can be my own self coach, excuse me.... Life coach. I can be my own self healer.  

Not only is it cheaper, but more rewarding and I know it will strengthen me. And I know that the dreams I have will be more within my reach.