The need to please

No. I'm definitely not perfect. I've made mistakes. But I am not a bad person. I know this, but the people who have brought me down over the past few years. The people who have shown me little to no respect. The people who have underestimated me. The Baiters who have smiled in my face. They obviously just don't seem to know how fucking great I am. 

I spent sometime on the train today (not a lot of time but enough) thinking about these people that I have interacted with over the past few years. 

The part where the Big Picture comes together for me is that they did not do the worst to me. No. Indeed, I have committed the worst crime to myself by attempting to prove to these lowlives who seem to think they walk on water that I am worth something. You see you can't prove to the dirt that you are the gardener. You do your job, what you love, you fulfill that purpose and the dirt has no choice but to do what it's supposed to do. 

The part where I fuck up the most is wanting to prove to others. Wanting to impress others. I still have a problem with this. I am a chronic people pleaser. 

I am learning now how to build a beautiful relationship with myself. If I can't get this, I will continue to be a people pleaser instead of a SELF pleaser. 

I am ready to make that change.