There is a delicious delight to watching me and how much i've evolved over the past few years. I see so much beauty, that I've never seen before.
Just a week ago, I was facing another self-image struggle while watching videos of me during a rehearsal. The little mean voice inside my head was making me believe and think of things that I just had no business thinking. Funny thing is, I couldn't quite see that in that moment. But i see it now. I see it as clearly as I look at these pictures and think of the many times I thought I wasn't pretty enough or good enough and I look at these pictures and I say.... "I ALWAYS WAS!". I just couldn't see it. And, now as i continue on my journey it is still difficult to see the beauty and the worth that I hold. But I just gotta believe that it is really there, even when i don't see it.
Looking at these pics of me and my beau, i'm so filled with warmth and compassion and gratification. I see through the eyes of the person behind the camera. And whether it was me taking the pictures of him or vice versa, I see so much love behind the camera, in the eye of the beholder. These are the memories that we will have and cherish. Just like the old photos at grandma's and at my moms. Binders full of old folders. --- Its a new age, so most of the photos are digital, but they are still so precious. I can imagine now telling my children or grandchildren what I was like or doing during this photo or that one.
Looking at these photos, I've realized one thing. My life really is quite amazing. No its no one else's. But its all mine. And while i've been walking around .... or more like moping around wishing I had someone else's life... here I was and am... living the truest life... my own.
I hope I can remember this day and this feeling. On those days when I am battling with myself again. I hope I can remember the genuine contentment of where i've come from and what I have become. Because it is so beautiful.
This life is so beautiful.
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