The middle stages begins

I am now entering the middle stages of my fitness journey.

Here is where the excitement of the initiation fizzles a bit and I have to learn to tunnel through.

So, Major bummer news. I have to stop working out for the next 5 days.

I have a terrible strain in my butt muscles, right at the top of my "gluteus Maximus". It has been hurting for about two weeks now, but I've been ignoring it. I now can barely stand up without feeling excruciating pain. It's unfortunate. I am struggling with accepting that I can't workout. I have to do this as I researched that working out on an injury will not give me the results I want. I just have to be okay with giving it a rest.

I think it's a big opportunity to focus on my eating. I have been looking up the best kinds of food to eat and I plan not to follow anyone's diet. I am going to make small changes on a regular basis until I find the eating diet that works the best for my body. I am changing my sorrows around and seeing the positive.

I did push myself just a little too hard the past week. My mentality behind it needed to be checked and this strain is the universe checking me. Slowly becoming obsessed with the mirror, I am not always pleased with the results of my workouts not happening fast enough. I see the changes for sure, and I am proud of how I have gotten to this point. But in the back of my head, I'm in a major rush to finish the journey and enjoy the final results.

The lesson here is that i didn't gain this weight overnight, and I won't lose it over night either. I really have to enjoy the whole journey, including the setbacks. The journey is the most important part, and I have to learn patience and respect it.

Pushing myself is one thing, but over doing it is another.

Blocked : the artists way

I am blocked. I don't want to do anything because I'm tired of dreaming and waiting.

I have resentment that I won't do an acceptable job. Ill never be good enough. So it feels like its not worth it.

I don't trust myself. I lack belief in my abilities to produce anything of worth

Vanilla latte fix

The delicious vanilla latte. I just can't live without. I have been working on my soda intake. Knocking down the consumption of it. My goal is to get soda to a once a month ordeal.

But I don't know of I can knock my vanilla latte kick. I have to be up early every morning and this just saves me from having a miserable morning. I am trying by cutting my consumption down to two a week. Yesterday I went without coffee and I was irritable and annoyed. I missed my coffee fix. It will take time to cut it down. Ill have to take it one miserable day at a time.

Working out and nutrition

I have been doing it!!!

Working out 3 to 4x a week and I'm seeing actual results. It's such a beautiful thing. Not just the physical changes but the relationship that I am building with my body.

March is on its way and I plan to do some working and focus on nutrition. My water intake is improving by the day and I have to thank my "waterlogged" app for that.
But I still am finding bloating in my tummy and I am so tired sometimes in my workouts. Hitting a plateau, I am interested in seeing improvements in my performance. So I will be Easing my way into better nutrition to supply's body with the fuel it needs to maintain and grow in my workouts. And it will help aid my weightloss. Tummy health is all nutrition

Progress report

4/22 today is my bday and while I am so grateful for my accomplishments over the past few months, I am even more grateful for being alive and making it this far!! 🎉🎉🎉

Two days ago, I took a picture update. Here it is!
--------

Since today is one of those days... Jut feeling still shitty about some of my choices. I decided I should start these postings with some pictures.
This picture is my first pic from the beginning of my journey.

The second is me today. Ill take another in a month or so. I need to celebrate how far I've come. My arms and legs are so much slimmer and getting toned by the minute.
My stomach is obviously not quite there yet. I will focus on my eating more and I look forward to my progress in the next 2 months.

Getting back on track

"Mars is in Pisces now. You may have to swim upstream, but before you do, ask yourself if it makes sense. Before you act (Mars), make sure you're not getting exactly what you want, indirectly!"

This morning I was battling a lot of negative energy and this post made me think of my morning issues. Over the weekend I indulged in pizza and soda virtually all weekend.

The pain of my bad decisions was weighing heavily on me. I was so distraught this morning I went through some negative thoughts and feelings. But then I decided to make a conscious decision to let go.. I realized that this reaction to myself would only hurt me and make it harder for me to get back on track. I decided that faulting myself and punishing myself was not the action I could take. I had to make a final decision.
A conscious decision to treat myself with love.

Then I said to myself, "yes I feel horrible but I am not back to the first step. I'm still on this journey."

I think overall I need to go through setbacks and I need to practice having a better reaction to my setbacks. The weekend is where I leave myself more lenient in my eating and I'm seeing a pattern of going overboard. I need to figure out how I can tackle the bad habits that I fall into over the weekend.

In the end, everything will be okay. And I'm launching this off with a spinning class to make me sure about this journey that I am STILL on.

Connecting the Dots

Tonight I watched the beyonce documentary. It was incredibly touching watching the life of another.

For so long I've been saying that I want her life. But after tonight I am boggled by this stupid statement.

Her life belongs to her. And mine is what it is supposed to be. I am amazed at her life and I am so happy to witness it. It inspires me.

Now it's time to trust myself and take my life by the reigns. Connect the dots. Release the fear.

I believe in my dream. And I want to let go of the materialistic desires. I believe I am so much more and if I trust myself I can achieve. I can. I'm so scared... So I dream of being someone else. It's time now to get my feet wet in this life of mine.

What I take from this moment is that I want to experience my life in those multi dimensional layers. I have spent so much of my energy desiring someone else's that I am not experiencing my own. And I know that my own life is as rich and beautiful and hard and challenging.

We all have our challenges and obstacles. It's what you do with them that matters.

I can do this. I see that the music business is just as faulty as any business. The life of a celebrity in the music business is not just glitz and glamour. There are good days and bad days. Just like how they are in my life.

Recap

February has definitely been the more ever changing challenging month for me.
I have been successful at staying committed to my aspirations, but they have been going through waves.

Fitness journey-
I am steadily taking classes. 3 to 4 a week. And I am still loving it!

Nutrition-
I've been using waterlogged app to track water intake. It is very up and down, some days I get a lot of water some days not so much. I have yet to hit the daily goal of 64oz. Still, I have been so much better at water in take in the past month and a half than I had been for all of last year.

Music-
I've been working on keeping the drive and passion as strong as it was in the beginning. The more that I make the movements towards my dream it becomes overwhelming. I start to second guess if ill ever make it and if so, can I handle it? In my artists way book, it says the way to combat jealousy is to do what that person is doing. This is such a healing action because then you really are challenged to go after what you really want and you see the trials and troubles that that person you was jealous of had to go through to get what you ultimately want. I am astounded at the courage that it takes to be an artist. It really takes guts, bravery and faith to continue down this path.

I still want it. I still want to accomplish my dreams. Now, I have a better understanding of what it is going to take to achieve them.

Jillian Michaels says

Feel the Fear....Do it Anyway

Business questions

A tarot reader once told me that my desire to be a successful artist had less to do about talent. She didn't tell me what it had more to do about I guess that's my job to figure out.

These are business plan check in questions.

Action plan
Where are you ...

In 5 years ?
In 3 years ?
In one year ?
In one month ?
In one week ?
Now ?

Artist inventory

I wanted to make a list of all the things that I have in my mind. U received the advice that its time for me to start building. I am building my career and there is a lot more to it than just the talent. I have to make a foundation and I have to stretch myself. I have all these ideas swimming around in my head so here is the list if the things I want to do this year in order to build my career.

1 modeling class
2 hip hop classes
3 ballet & jazz class
4 photography session
5 wardrobe/costume consultation
6 makeup consultation
7 get fashion artist to draw me some sketches
8 sing in the subway
9 complete songwriting course
10 complete music production
11 pitch to work with 5 songwriters
12 submit to music X-ray for artists
13 drop mix tape

Wow writing this makes me so nervous .

Ever wanted something so bad? but scared of the outcome. I have an underlying anxiety that I may not succeed. And then comes that gut wrenching pain that says.......but what if I do?

Hard work = feeling confident

Today I took another spin class and it was tough as hell ! I was really tired from lack of sleep all week. But I wanted to sweat an sweat I did. My whole back was soaked. We spun on really high resistance. I didn't hit my average total number but I got pretty damn close.

I just found another fitness workout that I just love. Adding spinning next to yoga as one of my favorites.

Even better today I looked in the mirror and was so proud I the person looking back. My butt is looking fantastic. My body feels stronger and my face looks more alive. I am focusing on finding all that happiness now and not at the end of this journey.

Call me sensitive

Today was a number 2 day. Usually they say beware of insecurity, but sometimes I think number 2 is more about having such a heightened intuition that you can read underlying messages.

Today I showed a picture if myself from 10 years ago and I just felt a little too vulnerable. Yes I do look very different from then but I don't know I just felt like there is always something being held back from these two.

I think there is a need of empathy that one should have towards a person on a sensitive subject. Not everyone will abide by this but you would've hoped that those closest to you would. I think their comments had truth. But they cut deep .
It's not like I would've said it myself. I think for me it might be. Well I just got it.

Some people have Saturn over you. And they must deliver what they are going to say carefully or they will sting you. I think these two people have a lot to teach me but don't understand how to deliver.

My defense fields are up still. But I think it just might be sensitivity. I am going to have to be prepared for what's to come. As the layers come off and my truest self revealed I can be vulnerable. And I will need to know how to move forward even f something shakes me up.

My physicality is changing and so is my insides. I am thinking differently I am becoming someone even older even more matured and on her way to her dream.

What is an artist?

What is an artist ? An artist is some one who cannot live without demonstrating their expression. I respect the commitment for starting your own movement. Stand for something. Believe in your values. Start a riot.make the change!

We are in control of our destiny. Music is the expression of my soul that longs for the human connection. I've an connect you through lyric and melodies. We are all the same and we all want the same thing.

Love.