Lifestyles: Buti Yoga

My lifestyle is changing. I'm wanting different things now. However I'm honestly fighting off laziness and procrastination. I had a great at-home workout session with my favorite 'Buti Yoga' routine. It's nice to know that I have workouts that I <3 to do. If not who knows if I'd had push through the procrastination. Now if I can clean upy eating if be on another level. I literally feel like in gonna barf from the white bread and cheese I had today.  It's okay I'll get better. Time to start findin healthy foods that I love to eat. Gotta keep it easy and satisfying no matter what. 

This Journey

A few days ago I saw an incredible video of myself from a year ago... I'm astounded at the changes!! I've never felt more empowered by my own self... Mainly because when I set out on this journey I decided to make up my own rules ... No scale... No dieting concerns ... No following anyone else's rules but my own. There's no reason to hold onto my past but to move progressively forward. This has no longer been a journey about weight loss but a journey into spirituality and self-love. 

The first thing I did was look at my relationship with my body and my resistance to be slimmer. In a lot of we I stared at my own truth which was that I did not enjoy society's ploys to make me hate myself for not being a perfect shape.  And I used my weight to demonstrate that resistance. 

1. I found a workout that I enjoyed and that sparked the fire. Which led to me desiring more workouts that I love to do. Spinning / yoga and dancing... And who knows what more I will discover. And I made it apart of my lifestyle. My rule in te beginnig was workout every time you work. Be an opportunist. 

2. I made conscious decisions to love my body where it was in the present moment. Yes you can change the way you think simply by saying the opposite of your negative thoughts. 

3. I rejected anyone else's input. Yeah I listened to them but then I let it go... 

4. I meet myself where I am at... If I am feeling a little weak... I would still workout but I would be forgiving to myself. "Do what you can" is my motto. And more than usual I would push even more than I thought I could cause I'm naturally ambitious even when I think I can't. 

5. I dealt with my emotions in a healthy way... During workouts if I was feeling anger I took it out on that bike or I found peace in the yoga room. 

6. I dealt with my emotions in a spiritual way... Deepening my spirituality and finding the teachers and gurus that spoke to me... They help me to change perspective and to find positions like compassion and gratitude. 

7. I started playing more. I left a deadend life sucking job and found the joy in the risk of the unknown. I started enjoying time trough meditation and relaxing. Naturally I started 'playing' doing te things that I loove to do. I swear this is one of the activities that really oused me forward. 

8. I'm continuing to learn te powers of the human mind as body. Understanding that I manifest my life through my own perspective. I'm choosing to find abundance in areas where I thought I had nothing. 

9. I'm learning not to take anything personally. This frees me from being the victim. It's still a work in progress... But even the compliments even the nice things people say I try no to take personally. I say thank you. But what's most important is the compliment and the perspective I give myself. 

10. I stay open. If I'm open I find new things and new opportunities. I remain available to flex and fold in whichever way I feel I need to go in that moment. 

I would say these are the top ten things that have kept me successful and that will keep me. 

BEAUTY

Since January of 2013, I began a journey that I've never attempted. Little did I know the depth of this journey. It was about freedom!!!!!

Freedom to no longer be restricted by anything imposed outside of me. Starting with my weight loss journey. But it has trickled into everything and every fiber of myself. This journey to self-love seems to be endless and infinite. There are so many places where there can be more LOVE to be found!

Walking outside today I saw the truth. That beautiful people are really and truly beautiful because the vibrate the love of themselves. They embrace everything that is unique about them without having to trump someone else's beauty.

I am all knowing that this is my journey to be bathed in that kind of love. In that kind of beauty. As I continue to embrace all that I am and all that makes me unique, I seem to feel and appear more and more in love and in beauty.

Anything ugly that comes up, i see it for what it is and treat it with LOVE. No day is perfect. I have operated in a certain way for so long so I forgive myself for the baby steps. But each and everytime I embrace ME... I grow closer and closer to being the most beautiful woman to ever walk this earth! In my dream at least

Back at it

After two weeks of moping around and feeling sorry for myself I'm back at my fitness routine! I got a photoshoot coming up. Must get to it! 

New song challenge

I haven't been writing lately. There's been a lot going on in my personal life. And yet still I've been stuck. But as I feel the desire to express start to creep back in, I want to give myself a jump start back intoy creative life. 

Through my fiverr work I've been noticing that I enjoy having a beat, lyrics and then creating the melody and flow improvising it as the last step. Typically I am writing with melody and words all at once. So my challenge is to pick several beats, give them a title and just write first. Then add lyrics and melody later. I'm already excited because I don't feel the pressure to make them perfect. It's just an exercise to warm me back up. Let's see how I do. I'll do a check up jn a week to see what I've been able to accomplish with this warm up challenge. I'm hyped about songwriting again :) 

Holding on or Letting go?

I'm about a size 8/10 now. Exciting. 

I remember being almost a 14! I've come a nice long way. Who needs a weight scale when you can see the results in so many other ways. I can honestly say I'm proud. But also feeling frightened and obsessed and possessive. I'm feeling anxious about the fact that I'll lose all the work i did. 

I wanted to not use a weight scale to protect myself from over obsessing. But I'm over obsessing anyways! 

I haven't worked out in about a week and a half. It just might be my subconscious body saying it desires some movement. Today imma get back into it. Starting with the bike. Spinning is on the agenda today. As well as yoga, squats, and dance this week! My lifestyle is now that I am obsessed about my workouts. Well... Maybe if I'm going to have a shadow trait to let it have a voice in its most beneficial way for me. 

As long as I work on my mind body balance as well. The obsession can be directed in a healthy way. Which is why I am going to start a meditation challenge. And it too, is apart of my fitness journey. It is working out the mind body connection! 

I have chakra cleansing tools as well as meditation tools. And I'm ready to get started. It's not just about a new body, but a new spiritual me. 

BREAKUP

It took me some serious guts. BUT I had to do it. I know i'mma be a sobbing mess for the next few weeks, but I just could not take it anymore. The lack of engagement in our relationship has been going on for months. His desire to build our relationship does not seem to be there. He seems to be all about himself. So I just decided that is not what I want. And as much as it pains me, I had to let him go because it pains me to continue brushing things under the rug.

I'm writing this passage today so that when I feel regret, I will come back to this and realize the clarity that I had today and in this moment. It really hurts, its like losing a family member. But I feel like I am stunting my growth by just playing along to please this man. My ego tells me, 'Well now he can be with all the women he fantasizes about'. I'm trying not to identify with that thought. But it does keep coming up. That maybe he just hadn't had the chance to really be on his own. Now its over. So he will get that chance. Me saying 'its over' is me saying that i'm no longer going to be trampled over. I'm no longer going to be the scape goat for your blame. I've supported and cherished you all this time. I've retreated. I've said sorry....so many times. Even when I shouldn't have. I'm tired. I'm learning to love myself again and this just does not work for me anymore.