Nothing to Lose and Everything to Gain

The concept of a weight loss journey is just not self-loving or serving enough for me. Obsessing over numbers, before and afters, calorie counts, sugar or fat --- I let it all go at the end of 2012-13 when I began working out for the fun of it. 

Yes, I had goals of weight loss but my perspective transformed greatly more than ever before. I put away the fit magazines, Stopped hating my body and  started loving it. I stumbled into a workout that I loved, and I began enjoying the journey of beating my own fitness challenges. I focused on loving and challenging myself while remembering to have fun. I pulled it back when I felt I needed nurturing, I pushed when I felt like I needed a challenge. And I let go the concept of weight loss or trying to lose weight. I embraced the concept of gaining more love and respect for myself. 

As I pursue my goals, and have to measure myself to some degree, I recall this new way of life. The concept of gaining--- not losing. I'm not stressing about losing weight. I'm inspired about gaining more knowledge for my fitness practice. More inspiration is being put into my pockets. I workout not to lose but to gain a whole new way of being; a whole new life for myself. 

Saturn-Day Nostalgia

Times will always have challenge. As the challenge reminds me that there is more edges of mine to smooth. However, the nostalgic sentiments surrounding my Saturn Return are familiar. I recall feeling similarly last year as I watched Saturn move away from its conjunction to my natal. 

These same feelings occur and they boggle me. As This transit has been quite heavy with and restraint. As I endure another infamous Saturnday filled with karmic atmosphere, I felt the light. I felt that despite the heavy, there is this new lightweight aura. I feel that the possibilities are there for me. Were even before this transit, I could not see, I see clearly. Which is why I am nostalgic to my Saturn return ending as it is this time in my life that forced me to seek these possibilities. And now they are there ready for me to take them. They were always there, right under my nose. But I could not see the vision until I was challenged to, and I must say these past 3 years have put me in this position. 

I do not know what the future holds, but I know that I'm in it and I'm conquering my goals. Much love to Saturn and all the lessons. Much love. 

No More Pointless Part-times part 2

Perfect time to revisit a post as we are in the middle of a Mercury Retrograde. Re-looking and redoing. In my post, 'No More Pointless Parttimers', I expressed my new endeavors to create situations that inspire and feed my passions. This, I concluded, that after this year, I would not participate in any pointless part-timers. What I didn't see, was that I would have to reform my current part-time. Yes, this job is the last stop. The last pointless, mechanical job I will commit to. But in order for this to happen, I would have to make this current part-time important and with a point!!! 

The key to change is to make it yourself. The key to desiring this change is to not wait for an outside force to bring it to you. And this, is how I will make this goal of mine manifest. 

By changing my part-time right now and making it work for me. Not just taking classes to build my endurance, but also during shift, recording classes and taking down notes from the atmosphere. This is how I am ensuring that everything I do from now on has purpose. Transforming this part-time to purpose time. 

Creating an Environment of Wealth

I have struggled for the past few years when it comes to my relationship with Money and Wealth. I've journeyed through self-help books, lectures, and my studies in Astrology to find the answers that will free me from this constructed way of life of depending on finances. I've considered the spiritual realm of money, how it is non-existent and existent at the same time. How it is just a piece of paper, but the only piece of paper that matters in my society. I've tested the waters, in living day to day with as little as possible. Or more like I was forced into this situation several occasions. I'm forced into the situation as we speak. I've done vision meditations, practicing seeing myself with and without money and learning that it is I who attracts it, it is I who is the wealth and the 'money'. I feel I have learned much, but still find myself in the same cycle of not being able to have the material goods that I feel i need to progress myself forward.

This morning I woke up with my money on my mind. I looked around at my house and my surroundings. Yes, this will be another week of squeezing tight for some change. And i've come so far in my studies, and my outreach with folks, I've come so far in changing my life around, but still have this big problem that keeps me feeling like my hands are tied behind my back. I've considered my morning routine. I get up. I use the bathroom, Maybe brush my teeth, find some coffee and get to studying and planning my endeavors. This is my passion. And I'm struggling because I don't see how I can make money from that which i'm passionate about.

Knowing that this is a persistent reality I have to face. I look at my surroundings and I say, am I truly creating the environment of which my money can grow? I look at the things I choose to spend my money on, and if my environment reflected a better use of my resources, then I know there would be money I can hold onto. What i'm saying is, I see that my lifestyle is still spending without knowledge. As much studying and planning that I do, I still don't apply this knowledge to my basic living needs.

This week I'm planning to just clean out my environment. I'm going to make my home my rich soil for which to plant my seeds. I have to understand myself and what will motivate me to take action, and I have to take baby steps towards that. So this week, since I will be strapped for cash, Instead of sitting home and sulking about it, i'm challenging myself to live as if I'm wealthy. I have so much that is taken for granted even with zero dollars in my pocket. I feel that my vibrational frequency to even attract money is not where it needs to be. To feel and live as if i'm wealthy already. I believe that is key here to moving out of this endless cycle.

No more Pointless part-timers

It is a great time to put down intentions and I've been working on this one dream of mine for a couple of years now. Almost 3 years now, I came into a passionate relationship with spinning. I've worked my ass off for all of my 20's in part-time and full time positions in customer service. 

Now I am setting my new goals for a new decade of my life. This decade will look different. I intend to dedicate my time to ONLY the endeavors I am passionate about. And I have the audacity to believe I can make money off of it. That's right, I desire to play and make money. One of the last commitments to go is my supplement of income in my part-time. For a long time, I have felt like I HAVE to do this part-time work. At this point iny life, it is time for me to exchange this part of my life with something more fulfilling. 

I have learned much about myself. And I'm ready for a new challenge. An exciting challenge that will take me out my comfort zone and lead me on the path to an even more rewarding life. My fitness journey has given me this courage to believe I can make this change and in this direction. 

So today begins the day where I officially begin my journey towards becoming a spin instructor. I will document it in the tag 'road to fitness instructor'. Let's go! I'm ready to have that life that I've dreamed of for so long. Now I know and see clearly of what it looks like and what it is going to take. 

How far I've come

You can move backwards and still acknowledge how long the journey you have already accomplished. 

Lessons in Reverse

A journey is often considered straight forward. From one point to another. But I have found on this fitness journey, that it is more of an indirect path. There are twists and turns and sometimes we have to go back to get back on path. 

Two years ago, I began taking my fitness journey so seriously that it became a spiritual revolution. Reflecting on past blog posts, I see a ritual even. A ritual to embrace a unique vision of myself and the physical temple. A path towards self-love through sweat, burn, and beat. I discovered many concepts on this journey that has strengthened my spirituality. At the End of 2014, I tipped my toes into the person that I believe I am meant to be. 

However, as of late, meaning the past few months, I've regressed on my physical fitness. And I have discovered even more things. Going backwards would often give many people anxiety. Especially on a fitness journey, where they will experience the reactions of others who once were highly invested in their weight loss, change and reflect a subtle concern or disappointment. The anxiety overcame me at moments. But what I didn't consider was that it was a different me experiencing this backward motion. 

Because I have tasted the spice of a new life, going backwards, I had a more protected experience towards my own disappointment. Experience provides wisdom. And this is what I see this time around. I've learned to invest more in my own perspective of myself rather than others. I've learned how to love myself, when others didn't provide it for me. I experienced my thighs feeling thicker and people expressing the changes in my body. And it took courage to love myself, but also wisdom to remember that Love is the answer. I realize that how I interact with others is reflected in my fitness. My worth is depleted when I do not have 'self first' in my dealings. 

There is a deep selfishness to this journey. One that is rooted in sexual power. I experienced my body reflected in others 'interest' in me. And I've discovered that I am afraid of this sexual power. If I do not stick with the value of valuing myself, if I choose to compare myself and rely on the ideals of others... I will regress on my journey due to the fate of this kind of attention. Sexual attention scared the shit out of me. And I psychologically choose to go off-path to not deal with these fears. 

I am ready to move forward with courage. I am ready to commit to a life that is one that merges my spiritual to the physical. And the truth is that 'sex' is this lower physical aspect that I must understand and learn. I can use the tools of sticking to my unique self. Choosing to only compete with myself. And building on my discoveries. This is the Chosen Path.