Friendships

Hmmm. I've recognized a trend here within myself about my friendships. I can't seem to maintain them. I was ready to rant and rave about feeling left out of my current friendships, but since I'm on the path of higher spirituality, I've decided against that. I've decided to write today with compassion. I could see why my current friends would not see me as close, every time they invite me out I can't go. I missed a few celebrations and  parties.... And I've went AWOL on one of them. (But I still believe she deserved that reaction). I'm starting to realize now, right now in this very moment that you get what you give out. It is delusional of me to think that they are besties. That has to stop!! Lol. The whole... Not inviting me anywhere, I realize I can't take that personal either because I just can't take things personal anymore. It needs to stop because it only feeds my ego and brings me down the downward spiral. I was ready to say that I'm not fucking with these bitches anymore and a part of me still wants to say that. But I'm not going to because that would be my ego speaking and I no longer want my ego in control. I don't know what I plan to do. But, I won't take things personally here. And I will stop seeing these ladies as besties. They are friendly. Nice acquaintances who care. Sometimes my expectations are delusional and these are one of those times. Instead of trying to win these girls over... (Which I know is a humbling position but I'm just not doing it) I plan to just keep on trekking. Maybe find some new acquaintances that could be potential friends. Learn from this experience....stay friendly... And be better. Truth is, I've got so much going on and friends in other places that I can enjoy and be happy about. So I'm going to focus on that. And most of all--I'm going to let go of these delusional thoughts. The truth is that none of these girls are 'bestie' status and it was silly of me to give them that without going through a proper and thorough analyzation. And whether they have something against me or not---I'm gonna stay riding above it. And not Ben bother waste my brainpower over such foolishness.