for the past couple of weeks i have had some major obstacles at work. One specifically, i see is something that i take full responsibility and am working towards fixing it. However, i feel that i am at a crossroads, as I see that I am doing well, but I am having some major critics right now, and I am not used to having this kind of pressure.
a management position is slightly objective. there are things you can do by the book, and then there is the finesse of doing things your own way. if i am to evaluate myself, i would say that i have been very diligent about keeping the operations moving, focusing on giving the associates independence and a peaceful environment.
i have found that my "bosses" (critics) don't see my point of view and want me to focus on other things.
i am dealing with a fight. And i'm not sure if it is with myself or them at this point. At first, i've been ranting about how WRONG they are. But now, after reflection, i feel like maybe i haven't been doing that well, and maybe i've been scattered and focused on the wrong things and not doing the best kind of work i should be. And now i just get so addicted to wanting to go back and try new things or just get better. i don't know still, what is going on here. its a constant fight with myself and my boss.
who do i listen to? and how do i find the right kind of balance.
inwardly, i desire a lot more freedom to do things my way. its so hard to be flexible and to try to see the other point of view in this situation. i think i may hold resentment somewhere, somehow. but then i think back on the incidents and i say to myself, that i know they are wrong. because i see what is really happening. i know myself. i know what i am doing. i know i am working hard.
yeah i take some freedoms, but i have to to remain sane and to do a good job. i think this week's lesson is about taking criticism. its hard for me to hear bad things about my work, but these are the things that i need to hear in order to improve my work and strengthen my own insecurities. if there is a way for me to just accept the criticism, peacefully, and figure out if it is logically sound or not, i could last here.
~~~
This is a time for new beginnings and even deeper strengthening of my own knowledge and confidence in my own abilities. the focus is shifting on my relationships and i am learning when i have to fight, and who i have to fight, and when i shouldn't fight and how i should or should not fight with my partnerships. this is going to be a rocky ride for me. i think i will try to get back into my eckart tolle. i need to re-center and prepare myself to not react from an ego-centered way. if i can just manage to do that throughout all the bs i'm about to deal with, i will at least be happy and proud of myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment