DAWNING: When the Light seeps in the Cracks

I have been waking up with a special angelic message. It is as if my higher self is talking to me, whispering to me the secrets of the universe. I try my best to hold on. I typically get the big picture, but I can't remember all the details she said just before my eyelids open to the morning. I have grown accustomed to her company, as Jupiter transiting in my 12th house, is revealing to me the angels amongst us.

I have always had a divine understanding of spirit, but it has not always been something I could fully grasp. Even now, i'm looking for something, but I don't know what it is. I hear spirit more than I see it. I hear it in the birds, I hear it in the trees, and I hear it in my ears as I arise. I believe spirit is always there, always with me, but I just never was listening for it.

Constantly swarmed with thoughts about what I need to be doing, I have often found myself going in circles. I feel my potential. Its like a divinely, rich cup of coffee waiting to be sipped. I see the possibilities of my future, and I want to manifest it so bad. But the thoughts seem to slip away from me just as quickly as they come. I feel I need to hold a 'thought trap' in my pocket just so as it comes I can record it and never forget. There is always a part of me that wants control and organization. And there is another part of me battling with living in the moment. I feel there is a deep fear that I will have wasted my life away if not seizing the opportunities. And when I do, seize those opportunities, I still feel like I am coming up short.

I'm always trying to find the rhythm to my days. When do I clean, when do I play, when do I work. I inherently desire to play and live life like i'm always on vacay. But, too much play and I wake up to the stench of all that I have neglected. There is apart of me that desires to live light and free... enjoying every action that I take, embracing the memories. And there is apart of me that is disgusted at the actions I miss, the opportunities that keep passing me by, and the constant insecurity that I'm not really sure what i'm doing. I feel the weight of my actions as I see no one is really giving me the support I need. So much need that i have. Sometimes I wish I did not need anything at all.

I am hoping that in this year, in this time, I can find my bliss. I'm so tired of not knowing. I am ready to have the sure knowing that my life is important.