North Node / South Node Axis : Understanding Structure

Been Battling with my North Node / South Node energy when it comes to understanding it and applying it to my life. This is mainly because of the polarity of the signs and the houses. Due to my Libra ascendant, the signs are in their opposite houses and I think this gives the sense that there is true balance to be achieved to the themes of Taurus and Scorpio. In this video by Monique Ascending, she covers the Taurus and Scorpio NN polarity energies and I truly resonate with Both a Scorpio NN and Taurus NN. I theorize this is all related to me because my NN is in Taurus but in the 8th house ruled by Scorpio. In which I feel both energies are prominent in my life and the key lesson here is balance as I continue on.

Watch this Video: Scorpio / Taurus North & South Node
By Monique Ascending : https://youtu.be/vTEiHhvKLZY

Scorpio / (8th house) NN -- Encouraged to be free to try things in an unstructured random way. Put into situations to fend for yourself or figure things out on your own. Weren't taught as much. Previous life... so much structure and ruled in a military way. Was once in a position of authority and abused it. Nothing would run without you. Being loyal to the government. Being loyal to the cause. People accused you as a kid for being "stuck-up" and was presentable and got good grades. Was hard on yourself growing up. In 20s and 30s drawn to a career of being in power but being creative. Drawn to working for non-profit or starting your own business. Helping others. At work, high expectations of the people who work for you. Becoming a Scorpio -- interest in Astrology, Tarot, Occult. Strong curiosity. Loves rules and loves structure naturally. But wants to break out of it later on and break and make your own rules. Scorpio and Taurus share the concept of Power. May go through a phase and breaks you down. Crushes the ego and then becomes the Phoenix Rising. Attractive / magnetic to others. Implement the structure but do it in a fun way! Challenges you to look underneath the surface. May have taken things at face-value growing up. And found that there is something underneath the surface. You gotta dig! Encouraged to think outside of the box and to break free of restriction and confinement.

Taurus / (2nd house) NN -- Encourages you to be more structured. To be someone who can adapt to change and do it in a way in which you are comfortable and take ownership. Not allowing others to steer your emotions. You will become more grounded. Encourages family and children. Focuses on finances!!! Achieving power in status but creating a fulfilling life for others as well in the form of income and others income. As a younging, early in life you are frivolous with money. Showing you to be a more disciplined with money. You thrive when you are disciplined and methodical. Suspicious and sexual -- learning to contain. As a youth being impulsive. Early experiences with Sex. This life encourages you to take feedback and criticism. All the things you are being judged by are the things that are shaping and molding you to be an asset to society!

----------> My Reflective thoughts <-------------

The concept of structure has been one that I have been battling with for a while now. I've been battling with it because i've been more aware of the fact that I have a balance issue when it comes to structure. My experience in life was that I came from a family that pushed structure on me and I obeyed as best as I could but still was kinda left alone to fend for myself and discovered that despite the structure that was forced on me, I was more of an impulsive character.

During my fitness journey, especially in the early stages of it, I desired to put myself into a more structured form. I would do before and after pics and would write out my fitness schedule and food schedule. I loved fitness magazines that would give you your weekly meals and I loved seeing everything in a nice tight structural form that I could follow. But the issue was that as much as I loved seeing it on paper, I could not follow this fitness regimen. I would end up in cycles of planning and then failing to live up to my plans. And then feeling shameful like its so easy, but something is missing from it because I can't seem to stick or commit to it. And i'm a taurus with a Taurus NN, so I should be able to stick to it!

The issue that I was able to "heal" was when I became enthralled by Spinning. What i discovered is that if I loved the fitness routine I was doing, I could find myself looking forward to it and planning so that it fit comfortably into my schedule. I worked and then clocked out and took class. So what made this work more than before? I believe that the feelings and the concept of commitment is more than just pen to paper. Commitment to a structure or a plan requires for you to look deeper to dig into yourself and find the intention and the motivation. This is that Scorpio energy that I had to mold. My early scorpio energy was impulsive. But now it was about shaping it so that i had freedom within structure. That to me is how i'm understanding this Polarity... Freedom within the structure.

To know that I don't have to abide by this schedule helped me to let go of the shameful feelings when I did not take a class according to the plan. The freedom to change my mind in the moment was essential to my development in fitness and my relationship to structure. The love and comfort of knowing that this is a routine that I enjoy was essential because it helped to push me when I do not feel like pushing. The undertones are what represent Scorpio. While the building of structure represents that Taurean energy.

What I've battled the most with, I understand the battles more when I look into the astrology. I am able to see the energies and how they naturally work with me and how I must also learn to work with it. When I embrace the fact that my schedule is different than others, and it has to be this way, I can let go of the shameful feelings of not fitting in or not looking like i have it together. The fun thing about these energies is that I do have it together when I continue to use that NN in Taurus and remember that this is about putting value into my own worth.

What i've battled with also is the 8th house energy because i've understood it to be other people's income. I've understood it thus far to be about Other people helping me get my income and me helping them get theirs. And there is something about that that didn't sit right with me because I feel like i have all of this energy for self, but I have to let go? No, not really. What i'm learning is that the Taurus theme of self-worth and self-income is telling me that I already know what to do when it comes to building an establishment that will work. But if I just build for myself, then i will result to the SOUTH NODE energy. If I build for self, i'm more stuck in the past and karmic cycle. If I learn to build and help others, help others build or build with others, I can fully embrace that 8TH HOUSE / Scorpio energy.

In conclusion, there is a theme of balance all over this. Balance when it comes to the enforcement of power because too much becomes abuse, and too little becomes sacrificial. Balance when it comes to 'sudden changes' because too much change makes me impulsive and less steady / grounded, while too much "stiff/stubborn persistence" will leave me in a tunnel vision and bored and dull. There is a needed balance to build and create structure while allowing room to change!

I've been unsure about my build when it comes to the work that I love to do; music, astrology and cyclebreaking. lol. I've had mental battles when it comes to... do I want to have everything on one channel or should I create various channels? I think the key is to build in the way that I deem to fit and make sense, but be available to change if circumstances change. I see now that my mental anguish is the imbalance of my relationship to structure. Because I acknowledge it as necessary to help me build and be disciplined, but I deeply desire to be free within the structure.

This exploration of the North Nodes are allowing me to see that I must be at the place where i'm Shifting to embrace the NN. Embrace the path that I'm unfamiliar with. Embracing the balance of freedom and confinement; Changes and Commitment. I'm letting go and seeing my south node issues and easy to come habits take a backseat. While its time now to fully inner-stand my North Node direction. Onward we go!

Musica

I've been in agony mentally about my music lately. I want to do my music but I have so much uncertainty on what I should be doing next. 

I want to write more songs and I want to work on my old songs. I am seeking to work on music this week. Integrating it back into my life amongst the other forms of media that I'm really into. 

I have to work on some meditation and relaxation to help center and ground me. I feel out of balance. Mixed in with fairly contented feelings but feeling constantly like I'm missing something. 

I'm fearful about my memory. The ability to remember small things and big things. I've been an avid smoker for a while. Of course this would catch up with me. 

What I'm focused on right now in my life is healing, balance and creativity. 

Social Media Swag

I take my work on social media just as important as everything else. My recent research and study about my energy has led me to conclude that I am still in mental anguish when it comes to the output of my expression. 

I desire to trust in myself. To free myself from the shackles of not expressing because of whatever reason. Even if it's too negative or makes people uncomfortable. I have been battling this for a year now, but Im still learning the finesse; the swag of such creative expression. 

No matter what, I want to embrace this concept because for me, freedom of expression is all I have. I choose to emote and let go. Let go of the likes, the comments positive and negative, constantly reminding myself of the four agreements that Whatever someone thinks about you, it's none of your business. 

And just emote emote emote until it's Showtime.