One thing that has not changed is my morning ritual of getting up and just adoring my body. It's quite a vain moment, but it really helps me to reinforce my fitness journey to self love. Still, I haven't been working out as much as I used to. And I addressed the whole "getting back on track" cycle in my last post. There have been weeks where I go full out and some weeks where I don't.
I don't really know of there is a deep reason why. What I have done is accept and honor that maybe I will go through cycles in which I wanna workout all the time and cycles in which I don't. That's the best I can say or think of.
I have had moments of insecurity. When I feel a little thicker, I might have some thoughts that pop up. Worries that is gain all the weight back. Or did I? Does my man see that I've gained weight? Does he like it? And people projecting their feelings on me. Like this beautiful young lady at work who wants me to join a fitness challenge. Her probing has bothered me because I have felt like maybe she thinks in too thick by her standards. I really don't know what she thinks but it has bothered me. And I recognized that it might still be some deep rooted insecurities that I haven't gotten completely rid of. What I tell myself is, " she doesn't know how far I've come". And I talk myself Down by reminding myself not to take it personal.
And, Honestly, I'm starting to love my body when it's thick too!
I think I have been well dedicated to bringing myself up so that I dont stay in these thoughts for long. They kind of trickle by and I see them and then I do something that will make me feel better like my morning ritual. Or my self love talk.
What I've found is that I am not as much plagued by the "perfect body image" that society plagues us women. This week a Kim Kardashian picture might have rocked me for a mere second. But I am so much more tuned into my journey that something like that doesn't hurt me like it did before. And even more so, when I recognize the big picture, I end up looking at her naked photos and loving my body even more.
I mean, I am falling in love with my body for real. It's not just the way it looks but how it feels and looks on me. Today I took a spin class after a week hiatus and I had nothing but love for my body in the shower. I mean I'm so happy with these new realizations. It just feels so much better than what I used to put myself through.
