THE VICTIM IN ME.
Memories of low self esteem, low self worth, not believing in myself... being victimized.
My fitness journey has put all of those things in a ball and crushed it, stomped on it, and now i'm ready to throw it away for good. As I enter into another phase of my journey... i'm pushing myself and trying new things. I still don't know how much weight i've lost, or if I have. But I feel the difference and that is all that counts in my book.
THIS JOURNEY IS FOR....
- That moment standing outside of the restaurant feeling worthless.
- That moment when i was ignored and treated unfairly cause i wasn't as cute as the girl in front of me.
- Those horrible weeks where I lost myself and who I was...crying for days at end.
- That moment when he referred to a "bad chick" and wasn't talking about me.
- That moment when he gawked at another women and then turned right around and criticized me.
- For all of those fake as people who thought i wasn't good enough for him.
- For the 'mother-in-law' who didn't think i was good enough.
- For the mother who didn't think I was pretty or skinny enough.
- For all of my "Friends" who didn't back me up or support me in my darkest days of depression
- For my parents who pushed into my head that my body was not good enough as it was
- For the long nights of gawking at beyonce photos and wishing i was her.
- For every person who overlooked me and never noticed the immense power vibrating off me.
- For the "friends" that didn't support me in my interests and endeavors.
- For the casting director who thought I wasn't light or skinny enough.
- The moment when the girl who was praised for her beauty and no one ever said anything to me.
- For the young girl who never had a chance against the monsters in her world.
- For the racist who stared at me at work like I was an alien and accused me of not doing my work.
I am done being the victim. You'd look at this list and say... 'you have the wrong people around you.' And you might be partly right. But For all these years I let these moments define me. And tell me that I wasn't good enough. To know my place in the beauty world. To know my place in the back of the line. I'm done with anyone dictating to me who and what I am. NO ONE.. gets that privilege but me. From now on... i'm the one calling the shots. Thats it.
